
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Unthinkable Moments

Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Jersey Germs

Last night brought a first for me. The first time I collected jerseys at the end of a sports season. As with many firsts, it taught me something. Clean is relative. Jerseys and corresponding apparel are no exception. This photo will due to represent the millions of "shared" jerseys being used across America.
Prior to this collection process I gave no thought to the "germ count" on newly issued sports apparel. Yes, I was aware that the articles had previously been worn. I was also conscious of the vast variety of laundry habits. I could blame this oversight on the fact that all our previous activities included newly purchased t-shirts that immediately became ours for good. It just never occurred to me, and I will not overanalyze.
I will also refrain from grossing anyone out with a description of the various kinds of grass, dirt, hair, & lint that clung to some of the items. As I marked names off a list, I found myself more delighted that I had received the apparel, than what condition it was in. In the intensity of marking off the correct team member, I gave no concious thought to which of them gave it to me wadded vs. folded vs. protected in a bag. Only later as I folded 50 pairs of sweatpants, did I realize I should really wash my hands before I joined the pizza party.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not too good for used or "shared" apparel. It is very appropriate for keeping costs low for organized activites of all kinds. Next time, however, you'll hear me say, "Nice jersey, Teagan! Why don't you wash it up with a couple towels, so it will be ready for you to wear for your first event?"
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Little Thoughts
"Mom, it's not raining or snoring."
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
What IS a white Christmas?
Lunch today was enhanced with a rendition of "I'm d-r-e-a-m-i-n-g of a w-h-i-t-e Christmas..." Conversation with my 5 year old lent him to ponder what IS a white Christmas. Alas, he decided it is when you have your presents under a white tree. Too funny! I guess ours will be green again this year. :)This picture was taken last December.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Ice, Snow, & Piece in my Heart
Dec 1 marked the scheduled visit to Dr. Gradus-Pizlo at the Krannert Heart Institute in Indianapolis. Mom and I made the trip both ways in the same day.... which turned into 8 hours of driving when US 31 turned to ice. Ugh! I'm glad I don't do that everyday!
Tests:
Blood pressure was about 99 over 54 (I think)....low is normal for me. After hundreds of readings over the course of my life, I should know more about this, but alas, I leave that to my husband to explain each time. Bottom line, it was nearly the same as my last visit, which was "BC" or Before Closure of my ASD (a hole in the atrium of the heart). No alarm, but interesting.Weight is up 4 pounds. Did you really think I was going to tell you what it is? :) If you promise not to be jealous, I'll only say that it was a welcome 4 pounds on my part. Not something I usually acquire even after an amazing Thanksgiving.
EKG read normal. This is the test where they put multiple stickers usually all around your chest. Individual wires are clipped (think micro jumper cables) to each sticker which are hooked to a machine that translates my blood flow to a graph paper printout. It's painless and takes 3 minutes including the stickering and clipping .... which was 10 stickies this time.
Stethescope made Dr. Pizlo comment again that my chest is like glass, meaning she could hear my heart VERY WELL. She and others had said that before, which goes to show how completely amazed they were last April when they found that something was wrong. She said my heart sounded great and expected the echo-gram to confirm the same.
Echo-cardiogram went great. 4 more stickies brings my count up to a whopping 66!! 3M is making a killing! The EKG tech said she goes through 400 per day!! Shnikies! Anyway, this being my 6th echo this year, I was please the technician was willing to explain things and answer my questions. Remember last spring when they found that the ASD had caused the enlarged, overworked right ventricle of my heart to be almost 4 times larger than the left side? Well, yesterday's sonogram showed that they are now the same size. GREAT NEWS! This means that the left side has expanded to take up it's rightful job & the right side (which has less work now) has shrunk enough to stop hogging all the space. Most importantly, there was no blood flow through the repaired ASD.
Dr. Pizlo has requested another follow up in the next couple years, but ultimately says that all looks great. She encouraged me that though I haven't seen a real change in my energy levels, this was a great investment in the long-term effectiveness of my heart. Her "bedside" manner & personal concern for me went beyond her role as my heart doctor. While sitting there with her, I was again reminded that I had called her an angel after visiting her last April. Blessings to all the doctors that look beyond the "problem" to the actually person they are helping.
Ultimately, I know true Peace came into my heart when I was 15 and asked Jesus to live there. This trip was to ensure peace about the new piece in my heart.
Peace out to the piece in, Dude!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Refridgerator Tension

Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Summertime!
The second week of July, we took a trip to southern Indiana for a 3 night family reunion on Jill's grandfather's side. This has grown into a fun getaway, so we all had a great time. Teagan even got to bring home an extended cousin, Taylor, for the week following. The 3rd weekend called for another trip south, though not as far. This time it was Jill's grandmother's reunion. Immediately following our return, Tim and Teagan loaded up a calf and were off for fair week, which is a big deal in our county. Much of their time was spent there for the next 5 days. The final days of July were a refreshing slow-down at home. I appreciate the days when we don't have to get in the van and go anywhere.
August marks the beginning of football in our family. Tim will begin officiating with a few scrimmages this weekend. Teagan is going to play on a local team. This is his first year and he's VERY excited.
Erica has had the opportunity to learn to ride horses through a longtime friend. She has shown a natural gifting in handling larger animals (both the horses, as well as our calves). It is beautiful to see how God has designed her and opened up opportunities for her to learn and grow in that gifting.
As for Titus, Bridgette, and I, we never seem to run short of things to keep us busy .....well, let me rephrase that....let's say, I have an endless list of things I need & want to get done....but keeping THEM busy IS often my #1 priority!
God is GREAT!
When I focus on that, the details seem to fall into place.
Until next time...
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Bummed! The day after my last post, I had another migraine headache! Ugh! Here I thought they were over since I'd gone 2 weeks since the last. Ugh! We cancelled the kids' library obligations and called Grandma for help. After a 3 hour nap, I felt better and the kids came back home. So inconvenient. Such a bummer for my kids who had done their chores SO faithfully that morning. Such a blow to my momentum of getting our household caught up. Yes, I was quite discouraged!
My precious husband, called Dr. Pizlo and together they decided to have me go back on Plavix (the one that caused bruising). Now 3 1/2 weeks later, I've only had 2 headaches that were "managable" and a bit less dizziness when I get out of bed in the morning. (I won't miss that after October!) Right now it seems that it's just a matter of waiting. I do have about 5 bruises on my arms and legs, but they cause no pain and are much easier to endure than migraines. Ultimately, I think a tan will be my best way of dealing with them. :)
Follow-up.... On Monday, June 16th, I had my follow-up appt with Dr Hoyer at Riley. The echo and chest x-ray both looked great. I also took Teagan, Erica, & Titus to meet Dr Hoyer since he was so instrumental in fixing my heart. This has been a big deal for our whole family and I knew they would appreciate being able to put a face with the name.
Dr Hoyer was able to show them a sample of the occluder that is now in my heart. Teagan was TOTALLY fascinated by that. (Hmm...a little engineer??) He also showed all of us the 2 pics from the chest x-ray showing little white dots were the occluder is sitting. I really appreciate the time he took with us each time I've met him. I know he was paid handsomely for his work, but his willingness to answer our questions thoroughly made it easier to see that he earns everything he makes.
Relief. Coming home, I realized that hearing such good news really helped me relax about my recovery. Not only, did Dr Hoyer remove any restrictions I had (lifting & running/exercise) but just having him see that the progress was going well, made me feel more "normal". At this point I'll stay on the Plavix for 2 more months and then go to 325mg aspirin. He doesn't think I'll get the migraines later on because I'll be farther along in the healing process. We'll see. I assured him that his email box would be full if I ended up with those again. :)
Well, this blog is more boring and factual than most I enjoy writing. Perhaps we can move on to more interesting things now that I've been given the green light to "carry on with life as normal". Whatever that is!!
Monday, June 2, 2008
Easy Recovery?
Bzzzt. Bzzzt. My mind just crossed wires. These days it is hard for me to process quickly. I'm pretty clueless on what "recovery" looks like for me since I didn't "feel" bad in the first place. I suppose the fact that I HAD a hole and now I don't HAVE that same hole means that I'm somewhere ON the road to recovery, by this definition. I am certainly in a "better state" to have my heart sharing the blood flow properly. I look fine, am not in pain, have no more bruises, etc. etc.
However, to be honest, I haven't blogged for a couple weeks, because I have been struggling with what to actually say. I've described the heart procedure with all its pre & post thoughts and prayers. I think we can all agree that was amazing from start to finish. The procedure really DID take only 2 hours. I really DID only stay in the hospital one night. Within a week I DID feel competent to resume some normal activities like driving, laundry, etc. So life is back to normal, right?
No. Of that I am sure. Regardless of the fact that I've never found a "normal" day in my life, I am pretty sure I'm not operating at my typical level of activity. First there are some obvious issues that have arisen....
EMOTIONS - Soon after I came home, the emotional side of the whole ordeal caught up with me. Because I was passed the most stressful parts, this took me completely by surprise. Here I am with my heart "fixed", yet my emotions often feel like I 'm falling apart? I was SO BLESSED to have had various friends and family provide meals for a couple weeks in early May. It felt silly since I was physically competent to get around, however, it significantly lightened the burden of keeping up with my family while I was emotionally frazzled. Thank you, Shari for convincing me that others want to bless us in that way.
MIGRAINES- To Aunt Joyce, I'll say, I took your advice and tried hard to "take it easy", though my personality has a hard time resting when work is sitting in my line of view. However, I waited a full week to drive and 2 weeks to go somewhere without another adult. You can imagine my frustration when after 2 weeks I drove 40 minutes to take Teagan to get shoes at a mall. (Yes, I could have stayed more local, but this involved exchanging his old ones for FREE new ones, so I made the drive on a Saturday morning.) Upon arriving at this mall, I began seeing spots, something I've only experienced as a precursor to a migraine headache. It totally freaked me out, because I was so far from home without the ability to see clear enough to drive.
I "hung in there" and thankfully Teagan knew how to pick out the shoes. After a seemingly endless check-out experience, we got back in the van. By then, the spots had gone away and I felt a growing headache coming on. I took time to really make sure that I felt competent to drive in busy traffic before heading out. With a fair amount of mental coaxing, I was able to push through the pain and get us home. I immediately went to bed with what then had become a migraine and I was shot for the rest of the day. What a wonderful way to spend a Saturday!
The next weekend I had another migraine. It was equally frustrating though a different scenario and much shorter lived. In the meantime, I had been in contact with Dr. Hoyer and he relieved me by saying that a few of his patients have experienced a few migraines in reaction to their healing process. He was sure that mine would eventually stop, and after these 2 I have not had one since. That's a relief!
BRUISING- I was originally put on Plavix and Aspirin to thin my blood to avoid any clotting during the 6 month healing process. After a week of this, I had bruises on my arms and legs from "who knows what". Two bug bites really made me concerned because they each had a big bruise-band around them. (Kinda like a donut....a ring of bruise with an uncolored bump in the center....about 2" across!) Eeek! If this is what I look like in May, I'll look like Tim beat me if I dare go walking in the summer. After a few emails with doctors, it was decided to end the Plavix and up the Aspirin dosage.
REGULAR HEADACHES- I don't think 325mg of Aspirin is enormous when comparing with other blood thinning meds, however, for me, I can tell a difference in my body. When I get up, I often get a "head rush" that makes me have to pause a minute before proceeding forward. This slightly dizzying sensation seems to come from a place where I easily feel headaches, especially when I'm hot, tired, hungry, or in bright sunlight. These are MUCH more manageable than the migraines, but still frustrating when they zap my energy and leave me short-fused and unable to think clearly. This often happens with little warning when I've already committed my energies to whatever that day holds. Ultimately, I find myself in an endless struggle of how much can I really handle? I've always been one to "earn" my funtimes by working on undesired projects first. These headaches have often left me feeling like I lost out on the desired reward that I "worked" so hard to earn. What a bummer! Finding balance has been a big struggle.
The UP Side- My naturally optimistic side won't let me end this post without a counter-balance to all these negative experiences. These mean the world to me in spite of the fact that this section is much shorter than the former.
Amazing! I keep using that word, but it's the only one close to describing how easy the physical healing has been.
Gratefulness! God has provided SO MUCH! I cannot complain one bit.
Love. From God. From an awesome husband. From family. From friends. From folks I hardly even know.
Provisions... Food. Money. Time. Sitters. A vehicle. Cleaning. And more.
Holy Spirit to bring to mind all the things that I can't possibly keep organized on my own right now.
What more can I say?
Saturday, May 17, 2008
This is a STICK-UP!

Afterwards on 4/25
As I've written before, I'm not one for the sight of blood. I've known this and spent my life accepting this weakness. After the procedure was through, I was instructed to keep my head back on my pillow and my right leg straight on the bed. This would avoid any added pressure to my stomach region while the shields were still in my leg. At the time, I obeyed but didn't know that I even had anything still in my leg. These shields caused my foot and leg to gradually become numb like they were falling asleep. After 90 minutes or so, the nurse asked my family to leave so she could remove them. Maureen, the nurse, advised me that it would hurt a bit so to take a deep breath and hang in there. I did and she pulled out what looked like a fat straw-like tube from my thigh. Wow! That hurt.
The best way I can describe the feeling is like when I've slept with my arm over my head and the blood drained out leaving it heavy and immoveable. (This used to happen almost every night when I was pregnant.) Eventually, I would wake up and use my other arm to move it down below my heart. As blood began to properly relocate, it would feel tingly, in an almost painful way. (Not really a pleasant habit to repeat every night. I even consciously tried holding my hands in my sleep to avoid this, but alas, it never quite cured me.)
Back to our story, I think my mistake was in seeing the actual tube. Had I not seen it, I might not have gotten dizzy. However, I was also experiencing that tingly, pain-like feeling in my whole leg. It was a lot more discomfort than my arm had ever been, so perhaps that was the reason for "escaping". I remember saying, "I'm feeling dizzy" to Maureen and the next thing I knew was she was calling my name trying to wake me up. I had no idea where I was or who she was. It was almost as freaky as the original episode at home, only when I realized my location, I had a nurse within ear shot to help me.
Maureen looked both alarmed and relieved. She immediately called the other nurse to start my IV with something clear. (I think just fluids.) She said I wasn't out for long, but I sensed she felt as nervous about it as I did. This whole time, she was firmly pressing on my thigh wound, to keep it from bleeding. She was not able to leave my side until she could remove the remaining shield and get the bandage on. Thankfully, she wasn't in a hurry.
The second tube came out MUCH easier. I took a big breath again, but it was neither as painful on my thigh nor down my leg, likely because the blood was flowing more normally by then anyway. I DID NOT LOOK to see if that shield was as large as the first one. Been there. Done that. Eyelids are meant to be shut sometimes. :)
Maureen was quickly able to stop pressing on the wound and covered it with a 1/4" thick gauze square and a huge clear patch of bandage tape (prob'ly 5" square). I wore that for almost 2 days and when I removed it on Sunday morning, the blood had not even seeped through the first layer of gauze. She really had gotten the bleeding stopped. Amazing! Also remarkable was the wound was fully closed for me to take a shower.
There was absolutely no burning or stinging, just a 3x5" bruise. After the shower, I placed a small bandaid this size on the "hole", mostly because it seemed wrong to go from 5x5" tape to nothing. The next day when I removed it, the bruise area was darker in the exact shape of that little bandaid. Apparently my skin was so sensitive to bruising, that just removing the bandaid had made it worse. I wore no covering on it after that. It's just amazing that 2 tubes were stuck IN my leg through a HOLE a little smaller than this penny and in 48 hours it is totally healed closed. Wow!Until this spring, I did not realize that passing out was so serious, nor so rare. Of course, I didn't think it should be frequent or anything, but I still have questions on the rarity. I've heard many childbirth stories of husbands and wives having trouble after experiencing various levels of pain or gore, and the dramatic results that "smelling salts" can have in helping either recover. I have not done research on how it happens or the resulting consequences, so I can't offer any new information in that area. All said, it does alarm me some that I had that episode in the hospital. For one, it is the first memory I have of passing out when I'm already laying down (my one tried and true method for avoiding it). Secondly, it is a bit alarming to do something uncontrollable that makes a nurse nervous. And lastly, it forces me to resolve that the hole in my heart wasn't the only thing responsible for that weakness. Thus meaning that I still need to be careful and use caution in gory situations. That last part actually makes me glad it happened THERE, so that I would know that I am still not invincible.
As a good obedient patient, I did my bedrest till 8:00pm that evening. The only uncomfortable memory I have is the bedpan that I HAD to use due to the added IV fluids. This happened to occur at "shift change" time for the nurses, so my call button was left blinking for quite a while. I should have just pulled a heart monitor sticky tab or two off my chest and I would have gotten quicker attention. However, I've tried to be an honorable patient for both my husband and my nurses, and I think God thanked me by sending a very kind and gracious night nurse for my final night's stay.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
You WOKE Up?
After taking time to discuss with Tim, Mom, & me about the procedure, he also explained the possible risk of this not working, which would lead to open heart surgery. I was not real alarmed that this would be necessary, but I felt nervous that if it did, it would be done while I was still sleeping. Would their be a slit in my chest when I woke up? Would my hospital stay be 4 days instead of just one? I do remember Dr Hoyer asking if I wanted to be awake for any of it and I squinted at him with, "No, I don't think so." Based on Dr. Hoyer's confidence and his past experience, most likely all would go well. God is faithful to be trusted at these times.
I will say that preparation for this was not as extensive as I had expected. Upon first arriving, I was asked to put on a hospital gown and fill out a medical form about myself. The form was missing the normal medical questions one would expect and instead seemed more appropriate for a doctor asking a patient questions. I did the best I could to fill in the blanks. Soon a nurse came and grabbed my right arm for a blood pressure check, while another grabbed my left to set up a port for an IV. I suppose they were trying to be efficient, which is well intended, but after looking at my height and weight on the form, they attempted to be humorous in asking what it was like to be that size. What? Not only did their unprofessional chatter rub me wrong, but then a third nurse handed me a food menu for me to choose what I wanted to eat after I was done....not a great way to help someone that is supposed to be fasting. By then I was becoming quite annoyed.
Two weeks before when I was preparing to go for an "esopho-gram" at Goshen, a nurse had gone through quite a checklist before I left my room for the procedure. I was told to remove my little stud earrings, my watch, and she taped on my rings before I could offer to give them to Tim (I avoid tape when possible!). I was required to remove my contacts and wear glasses and some of the bands on my braces. Of course, they were going into my mouth, so some of that is logical, but my point is that it was all very thorough. I'm sure there's no "lost and found" at the door in the "esopho-gram" room.
One would think that if you are having your heart FIXED, it would be a bigger deal than if its just being LOOKED at. Thus, was the reason I wore larger hoop earrings. I figured I wouldn't lose them in my bag if I removed them. (Yes, I could have done without them all together, but remember how going through the normal prep for my day kept me calm, well it also meant I put in some earrings.) As for glasses, I never even thought to bring those along. In the end, none were even mentioned. When I was taken to the room to have my heart fixed, I had on silver hoops, contacts, & tapeless rings. Anyway, back to my story....
Fortunately the nurses finished checking me in and left as quickly as they had come. Once Tim and Mom joined me, I relaxed a little and proceeded to pick out far more food from the menu than I would later want to eat. (Fortunately they only brought the 2nd half.) All was soon followed by Dr Hoyer and his humorous assistant, Dr. Breinholt, who, as I mentioned, were running early. This beforehand experience made a stark contrast to the thoughtful explanations and patient answers they gave. When choosing between the two, I'll take a great heart doctor over a kind nurse any day!
It was with teary eyes that I said good-bye to my family. My dad and my in-laws had arrived just as Dr Hoyer was talking. How can one not cry on such an occasion, if not for the separation, then for the weighty awareness that life will forever be different after this day.
In my bed, I was wheeled down the hallway to a room called a "cardio cath lab". Basically, this just means they regularly insert tubes into hearts in this room.....most of which are for stints and other heart issues. Here is a picture of a lab I found online. It is similar to the table that I was transferred to.

The room was cool to keep bacteria and infection low. The table was narrow, so they had to insert plastic holders to rest my arms at my sides. The assistants were friendly and discreet. As opposed to the pictures, I did not have the nice blue cloth covering me, so I think I fell asleep soon, because I don't remember shivering under only two well placed towels. Instead of being put "under", I was just given a sedative through my IV which made me sleep and they apparently did some sort of local on my groin area, obviously while I was napping.
Next time you hear that someone is getting a catheter inserted through their groin area, this is what you should think of. Pictures do so much more for most of us than medical words and detailed descriptions. At the opening, there was a sort of straw length thing called a sheath. In my case, there were two put into my artery, one to use for the tiny camera and one for the amplatzer (the piece to fill the hole). Until I saw this picture, I didn't realize that they approached the heart from the left but around to the hole from the right.....at least that's what I see here. I don't really know for sure.Below are a couple more photos of the equipment used during the procedure. There were only 4 panels of monitors in my room as opposed to the one with six. I know this because at some point, I woke up.
Truly! Even now when I think about it, I get kind of weirded out. But at the time, it wasn't really that big of a deal. The sedative that I was under must have kept me at a "low-doze" because I never really felt like I had been asleep except for the obvious lack of shivering and the fact that it felt like only 25 minutes instead of 2 hours. I woke up gazing at these monitors.
My first memory was of a very hazy gray x-ray with an obvious b
lack line going up to a balloon that was being inflated. I later learned that Dr. Hoyer inflated a balloon in the ASD (the hole) to get a precise measurement of what size amplatzer to use. I remember him asking if I was okay, to which I answered, "Yes". I then remember thinking, "Oh my gosh, right this second there is a balloon like thing inflating IN MY HEART and I don't even feel a thing! THAT is incredibly bizarre!" I continued watching until the square x-ray machine above my head tilted like the one in the picture. At this point I said, "Hey, I can't see." (Nicely, not rudely) To which he replied, "Yeah, I'm sorry." The canter was jovial, but did not lack professionalism. The assistants joined in as well. (Yes, very dream-like, but totally true). Their activity was calm and relaxed...too boring for the show ER.
At that point, one of them must have upped my sedative, because I don't remember much more until he was almost done. I remember seeing the same hazy gray chest x-ray, which did not show obvious clarity to me. It amazed me that he would have such a well-trained eye to know how to read the slight changes in gray color tones on the screen. This was not an obvious "match the circle into the hole" that you might find on Sesame Street. Even the pictures here are much more obvious than the screens I was looking at. The one at the upper right probably measured blood pressures in the aorta and other areas. I know they kept track of those during the whole time, but the squiggles didn't seem to move in tune with a normal heartbeat. It all seemed like Greek to me.Soon enough I was told that all was done. Once the square machine right over my chest was moved out of the way, I saw the clock on the wall. I remember asking, "Is it 1:05pm?" "Yes." My mind then registered, "Okay, I must be thinking clearly. Yes, it did take about 2 hours. I can't believe it's over! YES! I don't have a huge cut on my chest, so it really worked!"
My leg must have still been pretty numb when they transferred me to my bed, because I don't remember any discomfort...a nurse had gotten my gown on me too. Before I knew it, my bed was being rolled down the hallway.
It was great to see family then. We were all celebrating the relief of "the wait" being over. From their side, it had taken over 2 hours, and they vividly remember a hush coming over their conversation at about 1:15pm. All were hopeful that they would have gotten word if surgery had been required, but none was able to relax. I'm glad they didn't have to sit in that tension for too long. God was faithfully watching over each of us.....as he does every day!
I'll close by promising to come back with details of my recovery. I know many of you were praying at many of these moments, so I'm glad to share the journey from my perspective. I am also anticipating the memories I'll cherish in future years when I come back to read this for my own recollection. Thanks for bearing with me as I record all the details.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Holding My Hand
As I was waking on Friday morning, God brought me peace through a mental picture similar to this one. As I prepared and arrived for the procedure, I kept thinking back to the trust the He was asking me to give. It is hard to explain the emotions one has when riding to the hospital for any sort of risky procedure. Feelings fluctuate constantly. On one hand, I could keep them at bay by just following my normal morning routine....rise, shower, contacts, teeth, brush hair, etc.... If you include eating, that's what I do at the beginning my day, no matter what the plans are. Sometimes just following the basics can bring a calm when one is on the verge of the unknown.
On the other hand, I was aware of a rising sort of panic that kind of bottled in my throat. I'm not one to be dramatic about everything, so this wasn't overcoming me completely, however, a sense of pressure, stress if you will, was always sort of lurching nearby. Obviously, this is understandable, but it's hard to describe for me since I focused more on suppressing these emotions. For painting you a clear picture, I want to be honest and acknowledge that I was not just cool, calm, & collected.
Somewhere in the middle was my practical side that had been driving me all week to get my "to do's" taken care of. This motivated me to finish some of my email replies of thanks to some of you. I thought at the time that some might think it weird to get a personal email that morning about trivial things, but for me it was part of my process of "clearing my slate" and crossing off some accummulating "to dos". Thank you's are important to me, so I couldn't relax and hope I'd remember later. This allowed me to relax afterward without feeling like people were waiting for anything from me.
Aside from the wonderful smelling coffee area that we had to pass on the way to the cardio-cath lab, I wasn't bothered too much by the fact that I couldn't eat. See, I was nervous. :) Mom & Tim were gracious enough to have their breakfast while I was in the shower that morning. Besides I had just thanked God the day before for preserving a 4 month old that fasted almost 5 days as he went through surgery on his digestive area. This was nothing.
We had to be there at 10:00am and left my cousin's an hour early just to make sure traffic and directions wouldn't add to our stress. We got to the parking garage at 9:30am. Awesome! One of my biggest struggles in life is being late. It is one of my inconquerable mountains. Often it seems that the more I try, the worse I fail. Also the more important it is to be there, the more obstacles rise in my pathway. It brought me great joy and peace to finally be ON TIME for something important. I'm convinced that those that are early for everything eliminate half the stress in their lives. Being on time gives you more options and more clarity of mind. This makes it easier to push back the panic and nervousness of scary situations. Truly, that was my first win of the day!
Check-in went smoothly with a motherly woman that chatted easily about how Tim looked like he exercised often. No, she wasn't flirting, instead her comments forced him to admit that farming was his most motivating workout. For those that have known his growing passion for cattle this past year, you will agree that he seems to relax when he thinks of his treasured herd. Talking about hay bales and heavy grain sacks was good for him. So, yes, those cows are good for something, this is probably not the first time they helped him manage the stress his wife puts him through....nor the last...:)
Tim did an excellent job of updating you from there, so I'm not going to dissect every aspect of my day. I will bring this post full circle by saying that I felt that EVERY STEP that morning was taken with God holding my hand. Like a young child, I didn't really have to make any decisions. I just needed to go with the plan and know I wasn't alone. I had long ago learned that throwing tantrums when one doesn't FEEL like complying can be more painful. I was glad to have learned from my parents that sometimes I just have to follow the one who is leading. In this case, God is the One who could help me "not to fear".
In closing, I must add that as a child, my personality did not lend me to naturally follow. This was a lesson that I had to be taught (and punished for). I'm sure THAT was not easy for my parents, but their investment became a gift last Friday. As my authority, they had taught me to trust. That translated to - me understanding what God looks like when He leads me (even as an adult). May this be an encouragement to all of us young parents who wonder daily if the battle is worth it and whether we are really winning. To each of us he says, "Do not fear; I will help you."
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Clearly Clariton D Free
Monday was a new day. Life moved forward and the calendar showed we were scheduled to take Bridgette to the doctor for her 2-year wellcare visit. Since she has the same family doctor as me, it seemed like a plan worth keeping. Tim drove and off we went.
I'll just say right now, that God knew 6 months ago when I set that appointment that I was going to need to chat with my doctor that day. Often when I'm setting appointments for 6 months out, I ponder what will be the circumstances that surround that season. Back in October, I surely never would have guessed "recovering from a patch to a 3cm hole", but I'm learning that life is clearly not as predictable as we make it seem.
The best part of Monday was waking up without needing to take allergy medicine. My head was not "floating", my nose was not running away, and my sinuses were not aching. All you allergy sufferers know what a joy that relief is! We went to Bridgette's appointment, which she passed with flying colors. She's now up to 15% for weight (which means she's heavier than only 15 out of 100 2-year olds), 75% for height & head size and her iron has climbed to 11.2....right on track for my tall/thin kiddos. She's also saying lots of words clearly, steps, throws, jumps, and runs. We weren't able to brag that she can do all these with and without a temper. :)
Naturally, my compassionate doctor asked about my recovery and I upd
ated her on the latest happenings. And when I asked her about my struggle on Sunday, she said, "Oh, you don't want anything with a decongestant in it. Clariton is fine, but not Clariton D. It will make your heart speed up." My initial response was rather calm. Thankful to have some professional direction. But as the day wore on, I was thinking, "What? That would be 'PERTINANT INFORMATION'!!! Wasn't someone going to mention this? HEL-LOOOH! We're talking about my HEART!!"
We had even checked twice just to be on the cautious side. First, I asked a nurse as we were going through discharge instructions before being released on Saturday. I had no symptoms at the time, but just wanted to be thorough in case the need would arise. She said, "Clariton? No problem." Then, on Sunday morning, upon feeling like I had been hit by a mac truck, Tim called the pharmacy just to make sure. The Plavix meds say to contact them before combining with other drugs (probably a default line on all drugs really) and we are cautious people who don't try to bend rules or take risks with little pills. Tim said he was very specific with them stating that he had Clariton D. Obviously, no one thought to warn us. I have to wonder if that's because most 33 yr old women don't have ASD issues, but who knows. Well, I'm glad you asked! I serve a God that knows all my medical history. Every detail was planned before I took my first breath. He knows how I'm doing, what I need to do, and what I need to leave for others to do. What a peace I feel in knowing He has "hemmed me in".
So the latest update is that I feel much better. I am now 2 days away from Sunday and my head is pretty clear. I find that I need to avoid doing anything suddenly. My head feels a little fuzzy if I've been laying or sitting and I get up to do something. This is a typical side effect from the Plavix that I think I'll adjust to. We'll see. Either way, I've not been fighting the allergy issues, so that's a big weight off my chest. Seriously!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Home to Fresh Air
"n. the place in which one's domestic affections are centered." according to Random House Publishers
It is good to be home! I'm glad to be back! (cheer with me)
We arrived yesterday just before 2pm. That was even including a sit-down lunch with my hubby in downtown Rochester. This was quicker than I ever dared to hope. As we (you all and I) are ALL very aware, this procedure has been just AMAZING! God is to be thanked.
I have lots to share with those that are interested, but I will not be able to do that just yet. I will only seek to hone in on the status of today, so your prayers continue to be specific.
- My heart is feeling fine.
- My groin wounds are not bleeding and seem to be healing wonderfully. No pain to speak of.
- My head, however, is fuzzy. Focus your prayers here. It seems that all symptoms are related to some allergies to the spring blossoms outside. Upon calling the pharmacy today, I was able to take some Clariton D, which, I think, has decreased these symtoms. However, I still feel drowsy, light-headed, and generally achy.
....and have never taken Clariton to make it through the day. I am confident that the nose and sinus congestion are not related to the hospital visit because the symptoms began mildly last Wednesday. They continued Thursday, took a nice break Friday and Saturday morning, but are pressing down full throttle today! All in all, I'm witnessing one thing that I've known to be true, but never experienced first hand. That is: Hospital's don't circulate the fresh outside air!For me that was a blessing, since I certainly didn't need that at the hospital. However, I'm unable to accurately measure how my healing process of my heart is going with all this lightheaded fussiness. That extra energy that doctors spoke of? It's been shipped directly to the front lines for "Operation: Dripping Nose". I haven't seen an ounce of it.
In the meantime, I've taken a nap each day and slept in this morning. Tim has done fabulous at "running the show" since the kids are all home. As a mid-day splurge, I'm blogging to you to keep my spirits up. God is still with me. Life is okay. I have so much to be thankful for.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Homeward Bound
Friday, April 25, 2008
8:00 PM Update
5:05 PM Update
3:40 PM Update
Its Done!!!

