Holding My Hand

“For I am the LORD, Your God,

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you,

Do not fear; I will help you.”

- Isaiah 41:13

"I am thankful for a God who is strong enough to keep me safe and cares about what happens to me. He holds my hand when I am hurt or scared. He is just there beside me."

- verse, picture, & comment shared by Kristie a fellow blogger

whom I found just by doing a google search for a picture.

As I was waking on Friday morning, God brought me peace through a mental picture similar to this one. As I prepared and arrived for the procedure, I kept thinking back to the trust the He was asking me to give. It is hard to explain the emotions one has when riding to the hospital for any sort of risky procedure. Feelings fluctuate constantly. On one hand, I could keep them at bay by just following my normal morning routine....rise, shower, contacts, teeth, brush hair, etc.... If you include eating, that's what I do at the beginning my day, no matter what the plans are. Sometimes just following the basics can bring a calm when one is on the verge of the unknown.

On the other hand, I was aware of a rising sort of panic that kind of bottled in my throat. I'm not one to be dramatic about everything, so this wasn't overcoming me completely, however, a sense of pressure, stress if you will, was always sort of lurching nearby. Obviously, this is understandable, but it's hard to describe for me since I focused more on suppressing these emotions. For painting you a clear picture, I want to be honest and acknowledge that I was not just cool, calm, & collected.

Somewhere in the middle was my practical side that had been driving me all week to get my "to do's" taken care of. This motivated me to finish some of my email replies of thanks to some of you. I thought at the time that some might think it weird to get a personal email that morning about trivial things, but for me it was part of my process of "clearing my slate" and crossing off some accummulating "to dos". Thank you's are important to me, so I couldn't relax and hope I'd remember later. This allowed me to relax afterward without feeling like people were waiting for anything from me.

Aside from the wonderful smelling coffee area that we had to pass on the way to the cardio-cath lab, I wasn't bothered too much by the fact that I couldn't eat. See, I was nervous. :) Mom & Tim were gracious enough to have their breakfast while I was in the shower that morning. Besides I had just thanked God the day before for preserving a 4 month old that fasted almost 5 days as he went through surgery on his digestive area. This was nothing.

We had to be there at 10:00am and left my cousin's an hour early just to make sure traffic and directions wouldn't add to our stress. We got to the parking garage at 9:30am. Awesome! One of my biggest struggles in life is being late. It is one of my inconquerable mountains. Often it seems that the more I try, the worse I fail. Also the more important it is to be there, the more obstacles rise in my pathway. It brought me great joy and peace to finally be ON TIME for something important. I'm convinced that those that are early for everything eliminate half the stress in their lives. Being on time gives you more options and more clarity of mind. This makes it easier to push back the panic and nervousness of scary situations. Truly, that was my first win of the day!

Check-in went smoothly with a motherly woman that chatted easily about how Tim looked like he exercised often. No, she wasn't flirting, instead her comments forced him to admit that farming was his most motivating workout. For those that have known his growing passion for cattle this past year, you will agree that he seems to relax when he thinks of his treasured herd. Talking about hay bales and heavy grain sacks was good for him. So, yes, those cows are good for something, this is probably not the first time they helped him manage the stress his wife puts him through....nor the last...:)

Tim did an excellent job of updating you from there, so I'm not going to dissect every aspect of my day. I will bring this post full circle by saying that I felt that EVERY STEP that morning was taken with God holding my hand. Like a young child, I didn't really have to make any decisions. I just needed to go with the plan and know I wasn't alone. I had long ago learned that throwing tantrums when one doesn't FEEL like complying can be more painful. I was glad to have learned from my parents that sometimes I just have to follow the one who is leading. In this case, God is the One who could help me "not to fear".

In closing, I must add that as a child, my personality did not lend me to naturally follow. This was a lesson that I had to be taught (and punished for). I'm sure THAT was not easy for my parents, but their investment became a gift last Friday. As my authority, they had taught me to trust. That translated to - me understanding what God looks like when He leads me (even as an adult). May this be an encouragement to all of us young parents who wonder daily if the battle is worth it and whether we are really winning. To each of us he says, "Do not fear; I will help you."

Clearly Clariton D Free

Well, the fog has cleared!

Monday was a new day. Life moved forward and the calendar showed we were scheduled to take Bridgette to the doctor for her 2-year wellcare visit. Since she has the same family doctor as me, it seemed like a plan worth keeping. Tim drove and off we went.

I'll just say right now, that God knew 6 months ago when I set that appointment that I was going to need to chat with my doctor that day. Often when I'm setting appointments for 6 months out, I ponder what will be the circumstances that surround that season. Back in October, I surely never would have guessed "recovering from a patch to a 3cm hole", but I'm learning that life is clearly not as predictable as we make it seem.

The best part of Monday was waking up without needing to take allergy medicine. My head was not "floating", my nose was not running away, and my sinuses were not aching. All you allergy sufferers know what a joy that relief is! We went to Bridgette's appointment, which she passed with flying colors. She's now up to 15% for weight (which means she's heavier than only 15 out of 100 2-year olds), 75% for height & head size and her iron has climbed to 11.2....right on track for my tall/thin kiddos. She's also saying lots of words clearly, steps, throws, jumps, and runs. We weren't able to brag that she can do all these with and without a temper. :)

Naturally, my compassionate doctor asked about my recovery and I updated her on the latest happenings. And when I asked her about my struggle on Sunday, she said, "Oh, you don't want anything with a decongestant in it. Clariton is fine, but not Clariton D. It will make your heart speed up." My initial response was rather calm. Thankful to have some professional direction. But as the day wore on, I was thinking,

"What? That would be 'PERTINANT INFORMATION'!!! Wasn't someone going to mention this? HEL-LOOOH! We're talking about my HEART!!"

We had even checked twice just to be on the cautious side. First, I asked a nurse as we were going through discharge instructions before being released on Saturday. I had no symptoms at the time, but just wanted to be thorough in case the need would arise. She said, "Clariton? No problem." Then, on Sunday morning, upon feeling like I had been hit by a mac truck, Tim called the pharmacy just to make sure. The Plavix meds say to contact them before combining with other drugs (probably a default line on all drugs really) and we are cautious people who don't try to bend rules or take risks with little pills. Tim said he was very specific with them stating that he had Clariton D. Obviously, no one thought to warn us. I have to wonder if that's because most 33 yr old women don't have ASD issues, but who knows. Well, I'm glad you asked! I serve a God that knows all my medical history. Every detail was planned before I took my first breath. He knows how I'm doing, what I need to do, and what I need to leave for others to do. What a peace I feel in knowing He has "hemmed me in".

So the latest update is that I feel much better. I am now 2 days away from Sunday and my head is pretty clear. I find that I need to avoid doing anything suddenly. My head feels a little fuzzy if I've been laying or sitting and I get up to do something. This is a typical side effect from the Plavix that I think I'll adjust to. We'll see. Either way, I've not been fighting the allergy issues, so that's a big weight off my chest. Seriously!

Home to Fresh Air

Home.

"n. the place in which one's domestic affections are centered." according to Random House Publishers

It is good to be home! I'm glad to be back! (cheer with me)

We arrived yesterday just before 2pm. That was even including a sit-down lunch with my hubby in downtown Rochester. This was quicker than I ever dared to hope. As we (you all and I) are ALL very aware, this procedure has been just AMAZING! God is to be thanked.

I have lots to share with those that are interested, but I will not be able to do that just yet. I will only seek to hone in on the status of today, so your prayers continue to be specific.

• My heart is feeling fine.


• My groin wounds are not bleeding and seem to be healing wonderfully. No pain to speak of.


• My head, however, is fuzzy. Focus your prayers here. It seems that all symptoms are related to some allergies to the spring blossoms outside. Upon calling the pharmacy today, I was able to take some Clariton D, which, I think, has decreased these symtoms. However, I still feel drowsy, light-headed, and generally achy.

I know these symptoms alone are fairly normal for some of you, so I won't complain like a wimp for your sympathy. I do recall occasionally having a couple days that I wasn't sure if I had a cold or allergies in past springs, but I really never labeled myself as an allergy sufferer....and have never taken Clariton to make it through the day. I am confident that the nose and sinus congestion are not related to the hospital visit because the symptoms began mildly last Wednesday. They continued Thursday, took a nice break Friday and Saturday morning, but are pressing down full throttle today! All in all, I'm witnessing one thing that I've known to be true, but never experienced first hand. That is: Hospital's don't circulate the fresh outside air!

For me that was a blessing, since I certainly didn't need that at the hospital. However, I'm unable to accurately measure how my healing process of my heart is going with all this lightheaded fussiness. That extra energy that doctors spoke of? It's been shipped directly to the front lines for "Operation: Dripping Nose". I haven't seen an ounce of it.

In the meantime, I've taken a nap each day and slept in this morning. Tim has done fabulous at "running the show" since the kids are all home. As a mid-day splurge, I'm blogging to you to keep my spirits up. God is still with me. Life is okay. I have so much to be thankful for.

Homeward Bound

God is so GOOD. Jill had a peaceful sleep filled night. When I arrived at the hospital this morning at 8:30 am, they were getting ready to do her echo. They were in the process of doing that when the cardiologist came in and looked at it. He said everything looked good and that the hole was sealing. The mitral valve was still prolapsing a little, but that is ok. Then just a second ago, the nurse popped her head in and said she had our discharge papers and we will be leaving as soon as the echo is done!!! Wow that was fast!! It looks like we will be on our way home in the next hour!! Jill will be on Plavex for the next 3 months along with 81 mg Aspirin, then the next 3 months on a stronger dose of Aspirin, and then..........NOTHING!!! Well I am going to go, so the next blog will be a lot better as the true author of this blog will be back in the drivers seat!! Everyone can now go..........whew!!!! We want to again thank everyone for prayer, support, emails, phone calls, visits, gifts, and hospitality!!! Above all though we want to thanks JESUS who died on the cross for us so that we could know him and rest in his love and peace for us!!!

8:00 PM Update

What a long day, but it went fast! Jill is now sitting up in bed now. She will be able to walk around yet tonight but only for a little bit. She doing very well. We had several visitors after she was in her room. Besides our parents, we were visited by Uncle Ken Carrington, Cousin Brett Carrington, and Sister-in-law Danielle Carrington. Dr Hoyer also came by and showed us a sample of the Amplatzer Occluder that they put in the hole. That was really cool to actually see the physical example of what they used. We also have received many uplifting emails and phone calls through out the day! We also had many people let us know that they were praying with us. It looked at the beginning of the day like were going to be carrying the wait of the world and then to know that all of you were carrying it with us.......WOW!!! We feel priveledged to have so much support. Thank You!! Jill is now getting up to walk for a little bit. This is most likely the last post for today, more tommorrow. Again Thank You Friends and Family, we felt your support today. And as we close this day out, we want to thank our Lord Jesus Christ for holding us in his hand, and never letting go of us. Thank you JESUS! Good Night All!

5:05 PM Update

We finally have a room!!! Room A2040 is home for tonight! Jill is doing well. She has to be lying on her back for the next 3 hours while her leg continues to heal. She is in good spirits.

3:40 PM Update

We are still waiting for a room. They are in the process of taking out some lines that were in her leg and also some sheilds that were in her legs to block blood flow so that the vein could heal. She is not allowed to lift her head or move for 2 hours until things heal. Everything is looking good. She seems to have a little more color in her face than before, which is good. She was complaining about her leg hurting and felt like it was falling asleep, plus a sore bum (and she was not referring to me!!) We are not sure when she will be getting her room, as we have to wait for one to open. Her vitals are looking good.

Its Done!!!

Jill just got back from her procedure, and all went well!! The doctor said it was a success!! She is now waiting to get into a room. In the mean time she is also waiting for her lunch. She has not eaten since midnight, so she is starving. We will be staying the tonight, but should be well on our way home tommorrow. Thanks for all the prayers during the procedure. Please continue to pray that recovery goes well and that there are no problems. Will put up more when we know more. Jill asked that I put this picture on as this was taken after the procedure was done

Wow

Wow, thats all I can say. We were just back there with Jill, and they came in and said they were taking her back right now, which is an hour ahead of schedule. They had a cancellation, that was the reason for the bump. While we were in there, Keith (Jill's Father), and my mom and dad arrived. They were able to see Jill just as she was going back. Dr. Hoyer (the doctor who is doing the procedure) came in and talked with us and answered some of our questions. He also listened to Jills heart, and said that not only does she have the ASD, but she also has the mitral valve prolapse. He said the hole is very large, and they should be able to use the Amplatzer Septal Occluder, in the case that they get in there and find that they can not they will have to reschedule and do the surgery, but we are praying this is not the case. The procedure is schedule for 2 hours. We will be back as soon as we have any more news.

Arrival

Jill, her mother and I arrived at Methodist Hospital this morning at 9:45 am. We have checked in and Jill is currently being put in a bed and being prepared for the procedure. As soon as she is prepared, they will call us back to sit with her until she goes in. Will check back in with more when we have it. I am feeling a little anxious, but mostly at peace. God has brought us to it and He will take us through it. More later.

Checking In

We are off to Indianapolis tonight. We will be updating the blog tommorrow as the opportunity presents itself. Tim is hoping to put regular updates on tomorrow as the procedure happens.

On the right is Methodist Hospital, our home for the next few days. Tonight we will be staying at my cousin, Brett Carrington's, house. We are looking forward to tomorrow with baited anticipation.

Radiance & Hope

I attended a retreat this spring that was centered around this verse. I created this picture as my artsy way of focusing on what God was saying. It has been encouraging to me as I face new fears and learn to seek God in new ways. In our culture we spend lots of money on products that make us look younger, thinner, less freckled, less pale, more awake, and all together more radiant. Lotions and creams aren't sinful, but ultimately they don't usually cure all these things. It struck me how simple God's solution is for making us more radiant. I've seen many older women that have all the outward flaws of human nature, yet seem to glow from within. Peace. Joy. Patience. Hope. These are the attitudes that radiate from their words. Like a well decorated living room that invites you in to just relax, when you leave their presence you feel refreshed and better equipped to face your day. I aspire to reflect God through me like that as I grow older.

God is my Hope. This is something we focused on in our Moms In Touch prayer time this morning. (This is an awesome group that supports our local elementary.) Even though I'm the one that prepares the lesson, I don't always get time to ponder all the verses ahead of time. Today, Hebrews 6:13-20 really struck me. It is about God promising to Abraham to bless him and give him many descendants. After swearing an oath to confirm it, then seeing it happen, God says he did this "to give us hope so that we can take hold and be greatly encouraged." Specifically verse 19 says, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." For us visual ponderers, here's a photo I found online of one displayed on Treasure Island. Earlier this week, I was touched by the song "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman. The two sorta fit together. May you find encouragement from this Hope as well. Here's a good video clip.....and this one has pictures. :)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=PqqtyuivolA&feature=related

For The Time Being

I'm only inclined to add to this blog when I have something worth sharing. I have been amazed at how many have said that reading here has touched them in their own lives. Because of this, I feel compelled to share some of the emotional side to this week. I know it's an important part of being real.

I'll begin with my Victory Rose. Though I would like to keep this blog more serious, I can't help laughing at the little story this picture tells. Back in February, my husband gave me this plant as part of my birthday present. It had two cute little roses on it that I smiled at, smelled often, and enjoyed for about a week. Then they died and the leaves began to wilt and wither. No surprise. I have never had a green thumb. Typically, upon acquiring a plant, I TRY to remember to water it faithfully, meanwhile, I secretly pray that it dies soon. The hardiest ones usually become a sad, forlorn, reminder of my green thumb handicap. (Lucky my kids aren't that way, huh?) At the point that "little rose plant" looked the most sad, I plucked the dead flowers & dead leaves off. (Birthday rules say one can't discard a birthday plant within the same month of receiving it. Flowers-yes, plants-no.) I commented to Tim, "Does it seem odd that I bought my "non-reading husband" a book for his birthday and you bought me a plant for mine?" You'd think it was our first year of marriage. :)

It sits in the window sill above my kitchen sink, so Tim and I see it often and have both been keeping it well watered (amazingly!). Well, lo and behold, this weekend I found a BUD! I was shocked! (And though Tim rolls his eyes, I think he was too.) It began opening up and this morning it was this beautiful, open, bloom. In the picture you can't read the card, it says "Victory Rose". It just seems so fitting for my week. What a special gift. (Should I add that with all these doctor visits, Tim's coming close to the end of his book....also amazing!)

Another special moment during my waiting time was the tears that fell during a worship service at church a couple weeks ago. Here is a link to the song "My Savior, My God" by Aaron Shust that was being sung.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mb8IpU7asRA&feature=related

I chose this version without pictures because the others seemed so much more "religious or Easter-ish" than the impact it made on me. Perhaps to some that seems odd, but to me it was the words "But in my heart I find a need.....for Him to be my Savior" that just made me bawl. I'm not one to cry often during church. My tears don't ride that close to the surface. When God wants to speak to me, he often uses music or pictures that usually bring me to tears. I know this chorus will be running through my head right before they put me to sleep on Friday. "My Savior loves, My Savior lives, My Savior's always there for me...."

Well, perhaps I'll share more as the week carries on.

A Dandelion?

It's never ceased to amaze me how simple inventions can dramatically alter the course of my daily accomplishments. We've all been glad we didn't have to "reinvent the wheel" before learning to drive, and most of us appreciate running water, especially for our showers. Even the blog you're reading has considerably altered the connection you can experience to God's faithfulness in my situation.....as well as the specific-ness of your prayers. Inventions are great! They give us new options.

One thing that's crossed my mind lately, is that by God waiting until now to reveal this heart issue, I have completely different options than my parents would have had when I was born. I'm not saying that open-heart surgery would have been fatal or anything extreme, had they found out when I was real little. However, it would have been more invasive than what I've been told to expect next week.

Tim has spent a fair amount of time researching everything he can concerning my situation. Though he is not normally considered an avid reader, his part in educating himself has been therapeutic in getting his mind around "the problem". Ironically, as he and I are learning about the human heart more closely, our 2nd and 4th graders are already up to speed from what they've learned in school. (To all you preschool parents, yes, this is the beginning of them passing us in their knowledge of certain subjects.)

I have delayed writing this blog this week as I was clarifying with the doctors a few questions that have popped up since last Friday. Below is a link to a 30 second, fascinating clip about the device that will be used to "seal the hole". It is called the Amplatzer Septal Occluder. There is a second clip showing the way the procedure is done. Truly amazing!

Want to learn a little yourself?

• Amplatzer (the name brand) means "in place" according to my swiss friends


• Septal - is an adjective referring to the septum, which is a thin dividing wall, such as between the atriums of the heart


• Occluder - comes from occlude which means to close, shut, or stop up
• ASD is Atrium (upper parts of the heart) Septal (thin wall) Defect (problem)

Not to be confused with VSD, which refers to the lower (ventricle) chambers of the heart. (Praise God for helping doctors repair 8 month old, Bryce Nafziger's VSD yesterday at Riley!! He's doing great though his was done through surgery. Different defect = different solution.)

At first glance, the pictures shown of the Amplatzer remind me of a dandelion. It is amazing the way it is collapsed to be fed through a catheter, which resembles a stem, and then opens into this complex, functional, flower shaped masterpiece that seems to come out of nowhere. It displays the amazement of a great, useful invention at it's finest.


Though I'm not a gardener and thus not an official "dandelion hater", I have seen a fair number of the white, fluffy lawn ornaments that appear seemingly out of nowhere. Though I still plan to use weedkiller on my yard this spring, the sight of a dandelion will cause me to reflect on the amazing invention that WILL remain dear to my heart for the rest of my life. In a bizarre way, this weed will speak of the faithfulness of God's part in my life......even though I'm quite sure dandelions are part of the Curse.

P.S. God, I don't need 12,111 of them in my yard this year to remind me of every day that you've been there for me. One will do.

http://www.amplatzer.com/products/asd_devices/new_product_video/tabid/185/default.aspx

And We Have a Date!

For those without reading time rush, target your intense prayers for:
Friday, April 25th at 12:00noon for 2 hours or so
At United Methodist Hospital in Indianapolis
I'm expecting to spend that night as well.
Thank you SO MUCH!


So, a sweet girl named Shawnetta calls me today and says, "Are you available for Friday, the 25th, at noon or should I fit you in the following week on Tuesday morning? I immediately said, "Friday would be great" and wrote down all the details of when to be there etc, etc. She makes a point to give me her name and 800 number "in case I need to change the time". I'm thinking, "Lady, this is my HEART we're talking about. I could be there in two and a half hours if you wanted. You're saying a Friday....I'll be there on FRIDAY!!" Seriously unbelievable!

Fortunately, I remained calm enough to write down some parking details. Oh, yes, and she hastily remembered to add that I can't eat after midnight and can only have water to drink that morning. I got off the phone, feeling like the conversation was as mundane to her as making a hair appointment. This is so bizarre! It just struck me so oddly....somehow connecting with my inner voice that says this has all been a dream anyway. Only then did I bother to look at my calendar and saw "garage sales???" written in pencil for that Friday morning. I smiled. Hmm. Shall I call her back and tell her this is the one Friday of the year that I actually save up to go garage saling? I mean it's large, annual subdivision sales?

Relax, guys! I'm totally kidding! Who wants to walk through people's garages and spend pennies on the dollar when you can ride around on a bed and get a dandelion thing stuck in your heart for say......$50K or so? (I really have no clue the cost, though my nerdy side is very curious about what my equally surprised insurance company is going to be spending on a "low risk" little gal like me.) Anyway, you should be proud of me, I refrained and called my husband instead.

Don't get me wrong. I'm totally taking this seriously. I told Tim today that I'm not going to underestimate the challenge that this procedure is. As I've discussed, the hole is not small and until it's sealed, I'm mentally not checking out of the hospital. However, keeping conversation light has helped ease the pressure of what's at stake.

What a Pain!

Since it's the weekend, I have not yet heard further about scheduling anything. However, I have a few minutes to write and thought I'd log in about the pain I had almost 2 weeks ago now.

Along this journey I have questioned several of the doctors with, "What was the pain near my heart that I felt so strongly it made me pass out?" None of the doctors in Goshen knew, though Dr. S, the heart doctor, told me straight up that he was much more concerned with my passing out than the pain I had felt. "hmm....interesting!" I had tried to question him, since I didn't think it was weird that I be prone to fainting at the sight of blood or when experiencing intense pain. This was when he said, "Jill, passing out isn't normal. Do you know of 5 friends that have trouble with passing out?" I thought of a few examples, but he was gone before I could question him further. (Some Doctors just don't have a teachable side to them. Tim says, Dr S was lucky that my bed had an alarm at the time that kept me from coming after him, cause he knows better than to walk out when I've got so many questions. :) Anyway....

I took this question with me to Dr Pizlo. I was shocked to hear her say she had "NO IDEA what that pain was". She said, "I'm GLAD you had it! Because it led us to do the needed testing to find this hole. But I don't KNOW what it was, and speculating won't help either of us. ASD patients don't usually feel pain." To which I replied, " Are you saying that perhaps God reached his finger down and poked my heart at that moment so sharply that I passed out?" And she said, "yes, perhaps."

Not only did she gain my respect for even saying she "didn't know" something, but THAT was the best answer I could have gotten. It sent me right back to knowing that God IS in control. Once again, I HAVE to trust Him. How can I NOT??? It's amazing that the mighty God of heaven and earth waited 5 minutes after my daughter was safely in bed and out of eyesight on a rare evening when my husband was home and WITH me before he chose to poke on a flaw in my heart that's been needing fixed for 33 years. The setup was just perfect.

There've been countless times in my life when God hasn't seemed like He is with me. When He seemed to make me wait until the last possible moment to come through for me. Like the song that says He's always watching "from a distance", it felt like He was so far away....like it took him a while to get here once I called for Him. But that's not true. He promises, "I will be WITH you." "I will NEVER leave you." "I have called you and you are MINE." He times everything flawlessly.

During the countless times when I've replayed the scene, I've thought back to the pain. Then me grabbing my chest and standing to stretch, only finding that it made me dizzy. Each time, I tell myself, "Get your head down!" Why didn't I just lay down on the dining room carpet floor? It would have been weird, but I likely would have avoided passing out. I'd learned this over the years, but for some reason I didn't judge my abilities correctly and thought I could walk to bed. We all know I didn't make it, which was pretty freaky for both my husband and me. And the more I analyze the details, the more I can't explain it except that God knew that I needed to pass-out to convince me that I needed more testing than I'd ever gotten at my annual physicals. That's the way he wanted to write my story. It's so much different than most ASD patients.

I learned recently that being a christian is the only religion where I can believe in a god that can have a personal relationship with me. That is THE difference between all the other religions of the world......as reverent as many of them seem. Perhaps to some, it is hard to connect the dots here. To me, I can't deny that for some reason, this gaping hole has been with me all this time and God has chosen now to point it out and get it fixed. It could have been random chance or fate or luck.....but that would take more faith to believe than just trusting what He says to be true. I'm loving this relationship with my all-knowing heavenly Father.

P.S. God, when you read this, don't think that I'm warming up to the idea that pain is helpful. Whispering in my ear or sending ravens with angel-mail should work fine in most situations.

Angels Among Us

Today we got the chance to meet Dr. Pizlo, as well as Dr. Schmidt, who was working with her. Both of these ladies were very personable and spent almost 2 hours with Tim, Mom, and me. It was like God had sent angels to give us answers. All 3 of us felt very comfortable when we left.

Dr Schmidt began by listening to my heart and agreed, that she would never have sent me for testing based on the VERY slight murmur that she thought she heard. Dr Pizlo commented about how loudly my heart beats in her stethascope, which she said will likely change after my heart is fixed. Other doctors and many nurses had mentioned that in the past and attributed it to my being thin. Dr. Pizlo said it was a bit of both. They also took time to look at my MRI images. In reading the dictated version of these, it clearly states that the hole is, in fact, 3.1cm by 2.8cm! Yes, even bigger than an inch. It is not perfectly round, but they think it has a lip around it, which allows me to be eligible for the non-surgical route. They indicated that MRI pictures are pretty much the "gold standard" when it comes to getting accurate measurements.

Unfortunately, the echo results weren't on the CD after all (still wondering about this lack of communication) so we actually went and had another one done. (Remember this is just like a regular ultrasound....not a big deal really.) I felt very good about the fact that Dr. Pizlo took lots of time to look for herself at the results and give me intelligent answers. She did discuss the fact that there seemed to be no sign of pulmonary hyper-tension, a threat that had been mentioned a couple of times. Dr Pizlo also expected that the right ventrical that is stretched will "shrink" once the blood flow is corrected....and the left ventrical will have to learn what work is :) She was very humorous in her wordings.

Now for the answers - in no particular order:
1) Yes, it IS serious. No one is questioning whether it should be fixed. However, it is not urgently needing to be done immediately. She expects within 2 weeks though.

2) I can resume normal activities. (ie. walking w/ my neighbor, normal Mom stuff, and driving as I feel comfortable). She said strength work-outs and excessive exertion should be avoided (I'm including cleaning and dishes in there. :)

3) She was in contact with a Dr Hoyer, who is a pediatric doctor that is very experienced with the transcatheder (non-surgical) procedure. He has done hundreds of these on children and she is recommending that he do the same for me. Here is a link I quickly found of a story of a 12-year old.
http://www.rileyhospital.org/parents-and-patients/programs-and-services/non-surgical.jsp
Typically these are done at Riley, however, Dr Pizlo is attempting to arrange for him to come to IU Med Center because they are more experienced with other adult heart issues, specifically any complications that could arise when my heart is learning to function "normally". Dr Hoyer will need to look at my MRI images first to ensure that he sees the lip all the way around the hole. We expect to hear from his office next week, once he gives the okay.

4) We were thrilled to learn that I would most likely NOT be on coomadin. Instead, she said Dr Hoyer usually just prescribes plavix and aspirin (I assume one or the other, not both). I need to read a bit on that, but at this point, we're thinking those are better options with lower risk to me.

5) Separately, both of these ladies said they would recommend this route to their own family. Though there is some risk of it not working as hoped (and thus surgery being required), it seemed the easiest on my body. It is typically a 2 hour process with 1 night stay for them to monitor how my heart handles the "remodel". Recovery is quick with bedrest only during that 1 night stay. My only limitation would be to avoid heavy lifting (pots and pans and cleaning supplies :) for a week afterward.

Right now, we are leaning heavily toward this non-surgical direction. Tim, Mom, and I all felt that this was the best option given all the info that we've read and heard so far. We'll wait to hear from Dr Hoyer, to make sure that will work out.

A few other things I learned today:

- I am 5' 9". In case anyone wanted to know. I've been asked this by several nurses, but until today, no one actually had measured me.

- My right ventrical (the lower left part of my heart) is pumping 3.6 times more blood than my left ventrical! That's almost a 4 to 1 ratio (or 4 cups to every 1 cup of blood). Ideally, they should each be pumping the same amounts.

- I have likely become adjusted to the energy level that I have. Because of my personality I tend to be a "go-getter". However, after my heart becomes more efficient, I'll likely realize what I've been missing all along. (Send your condolenses to Tim :)

Consultation scheduled

FINALLY, I have news.....I know many of you probably thought things had been happening in the meantime based on our previous expectations. The waiting has been frustrating and I'm not accustomed to blogging every day when it seemed I would just be wasting your time with nothingness. I apologize if that appeared to imply that you had been forgotten.

I'll get right to the nuts and bolts and skip over all the phone tag and the trip to acquire the physical CD of my MRI and echocardiogram.

Tomorrow Tim, my mom, and I will drive to IU Med Center in Indy to meet with a Dr. Irmina Gradus-Pizlo concerning my situation. We will meet her at 1:00pm. She will receive my hand delivered MRI and echo results at that time. Please pray for:

1)- Safe travel

2)- Wisdom as to what questions for us to ask

* specifically: How urgent is my situation?

How soon will they do what?

Why should I choose this over open-heart surgery?

What limitations should I have physically as I wait? if I wait? (I assume no work-outs, but what about walks & casual biking with kids)

Should I be driving?

Do they have any idea what the pain was that caused my passing out?

3)- Clarity for her (Dr Pizlo) as she looks at the results of all the testing and gives me directions

4)- Scheduling a procedure?

5)- Healthy children that are a joy to those they are staying with

I believe this meeting is a direct answer to the prayers that you all have been praying. For some reason, it took until today for IU Med Center to receive my info from my cardiologist's office (and that was just the faxed stuff). This baffles my logical mind since we live in 2008 when I can communicate with you all in split seconds if necessary. I have been calling daily to get answers from someone about how urgent this situation is and what kind of time frame I should be expecting. Today, after getting the name of Dr Pizlo, the expected recipient of my faxed info, I looked her up online. I then shot her an email and within an hour had a reply. It was so encouraging! We emailed back and forth a couple times with basic questions, and by 4:30pm I had an appointment tomorrow. Thanks specifically to my MOTTTs group that joined with me this morning in prayer that my faxed info would not be laying on someone's desk all day. Like we discussed, God is totally aware of all that I need.....even if it is just peace to get through the weekend.

Before closing, I will clarify that previously I said there were two options for fixing this ASD. One is open-heart surgery. This has a 35 year track record - good; a longer recovery on bedrest =risk of blood clots - not so good; possibly a shorter time on coomadin (a blood thinner which has serious side effects of its own)- so-so; a surgery that would likely be done in Elkhart - fairly irrelevent to the decision process.

The other option is non-surgical (I think they call it cardiothoracic - will know more tomorrow). It has only a 2-3 year history, however, IU Med Center is fairly reknown for research on this - good; It does not involve opening the heart, but rather uses a catheter from the groin to insert a "plug" into the hole; probably good; This has a quicker recovery- good; but likely a longer time on coomadin as cells have to grow over the "plug", because this is a 6 month process before it's completely "healed"- not so good. When compared they both balance out to about equal.

Based on my testing, my cardiologist and those he has counselled feel the non-surgical route would be best for my body. This is what I will be learning about tomorrow. It doesn't mean that I don't have a choice, only that I have been recommended this option. We are keeping an open mind.

I can't express how your encouragement is helping us. I will update you tomorrow with answers from that consultation. Thank you once again.

Here's a link for a picture and more about Dr Pizlo if that helps you pray.
http://medicine.iupui.edu/krannert/faculty/viewCardFaculty.asp?facID=2914

Hidden in my Heart

The more I see and hear about my heart, the more I am in awe of what is transpiring around me. Every doctor and nurse except the cardiologist (heart doctor) that has listened to my heart has said they do not hear anything abnormal. I think my regular doctor feels bad for not detecting it sooner, however even after knowing the diagnosis, she said she can only imagine what it "should" sound like. She doesn't actually HEAR anything.


A likely theory on this could be compared to a garden hose. If the water is flowing freely through, it is pretty quiet. However, if you kink it or hold your thumb across the end, it makes a sh-h noise. Yes, that implies that the hole is pretty good size.


Normally, ASD would be found in a newly born baby just by listening through a stethascope. At times, it's not discovered for a couple weeks or maybe in rare instances, a few years. However, it usually results in lack of energy or a child that can't keep up with peers. In my case, many know that I'm not considered "low" on energy and I was the second fastest girl in my grade in junior high. My only warning would have been passing out. However, because I learned to get my head down when I was dizzy, this only happened once as an adult. I actually hit the towel despenser in the bathroom on my way down at an office where I worked. This alerted my fellow co-workers who called 911. I willingly went to the ER at the time to have testing. Now, looking back, it is hard to believe they didn't do some kind of testing at that point. However, I think because I was on my period at the time, and had a history of "painful periods", they did the normal routine physical and accessed that I was fine. I had not passed out since then, nor had "bad periods" since Teagan was born 10 years ago.


God knew all along though. He's been there every single day. With his guidance, my story doesn't transpire like most ASD victims. I WAS born in a hospital, with diligent doctors that didn't miss something due to negligance. I was diligent myself in seeking answers both in 1995 when I passed out at work and later when I was diagnosed with what they thought was pleurisy. This isn't an example of denial or incompetant professionals. This is a story of God being right there in the middle of my weakness.


So many have encouraged me with how God has protected me all these years in innumerable situations. I agree. I think of extreme pressures, stress or otherwise, that I've put myself through.....Labor bops right to the top of that list, but also, emotional stress when my then 5 year old brother had a brain tumor, treatments, & my mom was GONE a LOT with him. Or a horrible year at work when I was believed to be incompetent for even the smallest tasks. Or even when Tim and I have had some seasons of stresses (money, work, moves, & marital). Or even when a friend and I went tubing together and laughed harder for a half hour straight than I thought was possible. God has been there.



When I was 6, I asked Jesus into my heart. It brings tears to my eyes now, to think that all this time, I know exactly where he's been sitting in my heart. I was reminded of this picture I took of Teagan last Mother's Day at a nearby ice cream shop. The opening he's sitting in is a circle. I think God has been sitting IN my ASD all this time, fully aware of all that was passing through. (I guess it's no wonder it's so big then, huh :) Again I'm reminded of Psalm 139:1-3


"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways."


As you read this, I don't know where you are in your relationship with God. Stories like mine can certainly bring fears to you of what could be coming in your future. There have been many times in mine that I thought my life was too good to be true. I found myself afraid to celebrate because I was always waiting for the other "shoe to fall". Ironically, I now have more peace than ever. I know this has a lot to do with your prayers. I also know that God is showing me first hand that whereever He leads me, He will take me through. This is not just optimism or denial or mind over matter. This is bigger than me. My prayer is that you will be encouraged to know Him a little better through all this too.


I'll write more when I know more. At this point, I'm waiting for word from IU Med Center. I struggle mentally at times, but overall FEEL pretty normal. I don't have the nerve to keep up my strength and cardio work-outs, so I mostly just feel achy from that. All aches seem connected to my heart these days, but overall I'm taking time to enjoy spring break with my kids.

The Actual Cardio MRI Scan

As planned, I checked in for a Cardio MRI yesterday morning. For those that have never had such an opportunity, here is a picture similar to what the machine looked like.

I laid on the narrow table there in the front and was told to get comfortable. This wasn't much of a problem at the time, since they elevated my feet and offered me a blanket. An IV had been put in my right arm, which was prepared for an injection of some "contrast dye" that they used at the very end. Also, 3 sticky-tabs were placed on my chest to help them "gate" the images. I think this helps them line up multiple images to show how they compare from different angles and such. Not sure on that.

They raised the bed and rolled me in. The top of the tube was probably 8 inches from my face and I was in far enough that I could see light coming from above my head. This all was mentally managable, though I mostly kept my eyes closed. I was wearing head phones to hear instruction from the tech which helped me not feel abandon since it lasted over an hour. Though it is an experience I do not choose to repeat, I remember pondering that my memory and description of it will likely be more tramatic than the experience itself. It is impossible to describe it without it sounding horrific, but don't think that I'm amazing for enduring it, it was purely a mind over matter sort of battle. If you need this done, it is worth it for the results.

During this scan, they took about 1000 images of my heart and surrounding arteries. Some were video and others were still images. These give tremendous detail concerning how my heart is beating, how my blood is flowing (even through the wrong places), and whether there is any damage anywhere. The technology is amazingly informative and is no risk to the patient. Well, at least no physical risk....mental damage might be another story.

Now, I'll will try to describe the experience......First of all, I had been told by others and the technician that there would be a fair amount of clanking and noise. This is the nature of the MRI scanner. Though I heard some of this, it definitely wasn't the most disturbing part of the torture. I also had been advised that to get good images of the heart, they would need me to hold my breath. Thus I had the headphones for the tech to continually be telling me when to breath normally and when to hold it. Most of the time this was only 10-15 second intervals. Very do-able.....though it completely inhibited the idea of taking a nap.

The actual image taking was by far the most disconcerting. Each sounded like a vehicle horn. Yes, it was at least 1000 times. There were about 4 different versions, I supposed depending on the type of image being taken. Sometimes a little beep, beep repeated 10 or so times. Sometimes a pick-up truck honk, honk, or a car that had it's horn stuck. The worst were several that lasted 2 whole minutes each (normal breathing allowed) that sounded like a Mac Truck. One constant BRRRRRRRR for 2 minutes straight. In my mind, I tried to make it into the sound of the air compressor we use to fill up our bike tires. Could I imagine the anticipation I usually feel while preparing for a bike ride? Not so much. But little thoughts like that were what got me through.

The other difficult part was laying still. As I mentioned, they told me to get comfortable, and I thought I had. However, there is little padding on that "bed" because they have coils to take pics from the bottom. I had pulled my ponytail very loose, but something was digging in and creating a burning feeling around my crown. My shoulders, neck and eventually arms were aching worse than I thought possible for only being there an hour. Even the normally insignificant little clip on my middle finger that monitored my oxygen levels was making my finger numb. I was tempted to ask if "we were almost there yet", but decided if he said, "No, it's only been 10 minutes." then I would go bullistic. Instead, I thought of people that are inprisioned in fallen buildings and are found alive after days of waiting. Often they have broken bones and such which would make that HORRIBLE. I was going to make it just fine. Self control never meant so much.

Lastly, the tech had warned me that the final image would take a whole minute. During this time, they would like me to hold my breath as long as possible while they injected the "contrast dye" in the IV and took what ended up being a 3-D picture of my whole heart, aorta, & pulminary arteries. They can take this image and turn the whole thing on their screen to see it from any side. Amazing! Anyway, I had dreaded this during some of the aches and honks of the past hour, but once it came, I was relieved to know the end was near. 60-seconds came and went and I didn't even make it through the alphabet while holding my breath. Thank God for good lungs!

Eventually they rolled the bed back out and all was over. I'm glad I asked to see some of the pictures they took. I was shown the 3-D picture, as well as several others that showed my heart beating. (Many of you know I love pictures.) I couldn't see the actual hole from those views, but the black line which was the wall between the chambers that came up from the bottom didn't make it to the top. I could see fluid (blood) going back and forth between the two upper areas. The technician was not the one that would interpret these for the cardiologist, but when asked, he felt it was reasonable to say it was an inch in size. I still can't believe that. My heart just doesn't look big enough to compensate for such a big gap.

April 4 Braces and MRI's

I will back up a little to mention a funny part of my odd story. Again and again, doctors and nurses (and many others) have commented that they can't believe this wasn't detected much sooner in my life. Very few adults are diagnosed with this, because it is usually caught at birth or in early childhood by just listening through a stethascope. Mine apparently was pretty silent. Perhaps I'll discuss that at a later time, but moving the story along....how many adults need an MRI for this and have braces???

Believe it or not, I forgot about my braces through this whole ordeal and when questioned by the cardiologist's nurse about whether I had any shrapnel wounds, any metal in my body, etc, etc, it didn't even occur to me. Later in conversation, it came up and we immediately informed the doctor and he cancelled the MRI. This was on Wed evening. Well, as I was bragging about being so "priviledged", lo and behold, it got re-scheduled. Apparently there is no iron in the high grade of stainless steel (and thus no rust:) used for my wires and the magnetic field or something was different, so it would be no problem and the MRI was rescheduled. Oh bummer!

So after breakfast this morn, Tim gets a fridgerator magnet and wah lah, it actually STICKS to my mouth. I was freaked! Frightening images of me kissing the inside of a metal tube shear through my mind! This is crazy! I got on the phone.

My orthodontist is on spring break....."GREAT!".....they didn't think it would be a problem. A different lady in another office said, "I'm sorry, there is no way we can take them off before next week." (So are you saying they ARE a problem???) As sanity resumed, I called the MRI department and got a compassionate, knowledgeable tech who assured me that "No, they will not be a problem at all. Since they are firmly attached and we are not viewing your head or jaw, we will have no problem getting what we need with no harm."

"SHEWIE!" or is it "Oh bummer!"

April 3 One inch never seemed so huge...

I'm learning SO much! Parden me if I assume that you are keeping up. On one hand it is quite fascinating, on the other, it can't possibly be ME they are looking at!!

The esoph-o-gram....my term not theirs....went well. At least that's what I was told, I don't remember it since I was half sedated. A different cardiologist did the picture taking and spoke with me after I awoke. He said they got a good look at the hole and it appears to be small enough to do the non-surgical route, if we choose. He said the ASD measured 25mm. That seemed pretty small until I realized later that was about 1 inch!!! How big is the whole wall between the atriums??? If my heart is the size of my fist, then....that seems enormous!

I was delighted to find Marcia as an assistant for my esopho-o-gram. She was the kind tech who had done my echo cardiogram on Tuesday evening. She had taken lots of time to talk and give me a "tour" of my heart. She had known immediately about the ASD and had wisely taken appropriate pictures and allowed the cardiologist to pass that shocking news to me. It seems kinda funny now that she could describe my heart like a blueprint of 4 rooms with 4 "doors" in between and I would not have noticed the blood flowing through one of the walls? I suppose, we can only learn so much at once.

After the esoph-o-gram they wanted a few more specific echo pictures, so Marcia wheeled the machine back to my hospital room for a second echo cardiogram. For those that have had prenatal ultrasounds, these are exactly the same.... images, gel, wand, and all. Only the name & location are different and, of course, there's no baby jumping around.

This time, since I was informed of the real problem, she could show me and Tim the details and talk freely of what was not quite right. It looked like a lot of blood was going through the wall but because of our view, we could only see from the top down, not the actual hole. Again it just doesn't feel like that could be me displayed on that screen.

Marcia was a God-send. I thanked her profusely for going above and beyond her "job" to teach Tim and I so much about the amazing muscle of the heart. We shared several comments about how only God could create something so complex. I am in awe. Psalm 139 means even more than ever now when God says "my frame was not hidden from Him....even when I was woven together...." He is amazing.

To finish the day, I was released to go home after Marcia was finished. This was especially wonderful, since I had not been allowed to shower while covered with heart monitor "stickers". Five to be exact. I'll be picking sticky tape glue off for the next week. I'm sure I'll have more before it's all over.

Home sweet home!

April 2 Tests reveal...

April 2, 2008 4:06pm
We've just spoken with Dr Schmucker and news has changed quite a bit. He is now quite sure that I do not have Mitral Valve Prolapse like Emily. Instead of a leaky valve I have a hole called Atrial Septal Defect, or ASD. This is a hole between the two atriums that is allowing newly oxygenated blood to go back to the lungs for more oxygen instead of going to the rest of my body. It crowds out blood that needs oxygen and is inefficient for the organ in general. Here is a picture that was pretty easy to understand.


This news is quite shocking to me, but I came for answers, so I guess I'm winning at some level. I am quite relieved that the sudden, sharp pain that I felt on Monday won't be something that I need to learn to "manage". Dr S. wants me to stay another night here to get a Trans-esophageal echocardiogram tomorrow at 2pm. This is a fancy way of way of saying they'll stick a tube down my throat to do an ultrasound of my heart from a clearer perspective. I will then be released to go home. I will have a cardio - MRI at Elk. Gen on Monday. Both of these will give clearer, better pictures of what we are dealing with and both will be sent to experts that will evaluate our next step of fixing it. So far there are 2 options. One is non-surgical but new & would likely take place at IU Med Center. The other is surgical and could be done in Elkhart. Dr S expects either will likely be next week. He does not expect that I would have any sharp pain between now and then.

Well, that's the actual factual currently. Of course emotions are different. This is WAY bigger than we ever thought we'd face. God is good. He is not surprised.

April 2 Morning ponderings

This morning, Dr Haimes, stopped in on her day off to chat about my progress. She too is waiting to see what all the tests reveal. She did mention that the chest x-ray shows one of the chambers of my heart as being larger than “normal”. The echo will clarify this info since it will give more details. She is able to see all these test results even from home, so she will keep in touch as Dr Schmucker accesses the situation. We talked some about managing it and I shared my questions with her. She wisely counseled that we not dwell much on that until we get the whole picture of what the tests show. So, in the end, we are all waiting for answers. God is faithful.

It seems weird to be here and feel so normal. Though my heart felt a tad bit sore yesterday, I truly feel nothing abnormal today. I’m here for testing though, not because I feel horrible. If they can find answers when I feel fine, that’s just great!
Did I mention that I can’t get out of bed without someone to watch me since I’m “prone to fainting”? Lovely. One never knows what is around the corner.

April 1 Going to the Hospital

(journaled on April 1, pasted in here once the blog was began)
Bed 1, Room 228, Floor 2, Goshen General Hospital
What am I doing HERE??

Monday evening after putting the kids to bed, I was sitting at the bar in the kitchen talking to Tim about cattle and such. Suddenly, a sharp pain jabbed my heart area and I couldn’t catch my breath. I took 3 small breaths and stood up to stretch out, but it didn’t subside. My head began to feel woozy, so I began to walk to my room to lie down. I remember passing the end of the table, but apparently blacked out at that point.

Tim was watching from the kitchen and saw my steps falter. He said I fell in quite a heap lying backwards over the toy basket in the hallway. My eyes were wide open but glassed over. He moved me to a lying position on the carpet and was lightly smacking my cheeks before I heard his voice calling me and woke up. He estimates this as about 10 seconds….a very scary seconds, of course!

I’ve had similar (MUCH milder) pains like this in the past (3 or more years ago) that had been diagnosed as pleurisy, something my maternal grandfather had occasionally. Initially, I thought this was the same thing, because the pain was similar, only 4 times stronger. In the past, by taking about 3 small breaths the pain would subside allowing me to breathe deeply and all would be over. In the initial moments on Monday, Tim was quite alarmed when I grabbed my chest, but I had raised my finger and mouthed, “I’m fine, just a minute.” Of course, I never expected to pass out, because that had never happened before from these pains. I haven’t even had any of these pains in 3 years or so. This was a complete surprise.

Upon awakening to Tim’s urgent calls, I felt TOTALLY FINE. No pain. No drowsiness. Fine. Not wonderful though. I was an emotional wreck. What had just happened? Why? Oh, my poor husband!!! Because I had already removed my contacts, brushed teeth and all for the night, I went straight to bed. I laid there hating the situation and the freakish nature of the whole episode. Questions upon questions bombarded my thoughts. Would I have awakened without Tim’s help? Can I be trusted alone with my kids? Was that really the same pains I’ve felt before? Why so much more intense?

We phoned Nurse-on-Call to get advice on what we should do. Dr Barkow, who was on call, was paged. He advised that if we were absolutely SURE that I felt fine AND there was nothing abnormal happening, then we could wait through the night and get an appointment with Dr Haimes, my doctor, on Tuesday. Because we were not in immediate danger, this seemed to be the best way to get needed rest and minimize the disruption to the family’s morning routines. In hindsight, skipping the ER experience likely saved us an unneeded CT scan and the better rest at home allowed us to be more alert as we submitted to the various medical tests needed the next day.

Dr Haimes, my family doctor, had an EKG taken right away that showed an abnormality in the blood flow through my heart. Upon listening to my history of passing out episodes and discussing the blood flow concerns, she recommended testing. She gave us the option of either being admitted into the hospital for the night or ordering everything outpatient to be taken over the course of the next couple weeks. We chose the “answers asap” route and were shortly on our way to registration.

A nurse, Debbie, greeted me with a whole list of tests that had been ordered. A “tellie” that I’m wearing constantly for monitoring my heart rate, blood work, x-rays, ultrasound of my neck veins, and echo cardiogram (ultrasound of the heart), kept me busy till into the evening. At this point, Dr Schmucker, a cardiologist, has been in to see me within an hour of my arrival. Upon listening to my heart, he surmised it as Mitral Valve Prolapse. Yes, this is the same thing Emily has learned to manage for several years. He is waiting for the test results to see what that confirms as it doesn't explain everything.

Welcome

Though this blog begins during a shocking week in my journey, the purpose is to share all sorts of moments as they unfold in my life and family. Feel free to check in as often as you'd like to keep updated on as many details as you are interested. Meanwhile, I'll do my best to be real, both in sickness and in health. These posts will appear with the newest ones at the top, so to begin at the beginning, just click on the titles at the left. Thanks for being part of our network of support.